A REAL NEWSSANCE

I hope I'm not the only one who gets an absolute fucking KICK out of watching a man and woman news anchor team interact with each other. It's about as pleasant as trying to get some privacy in Octo-mom's womb. They have a deeeep hatred for one another that is overly exploited the more they try to joke around with each other in between stories. All they really want to do is find new ways to hold and tap their ballpoint pen on the news desk, or stack and shuffle their papers so they form a unified, perfect square and return to their rightful order. Instead, they feel the need to grind out a hideous conversation with one another ending in some of the worst jokes ever told.

Woman Anchor: Well folks, who would have thought it up, but a grocery store actually saved a civilian's life this afternoon...A robbery was in place and as the crook had his pistol locked, loaded and aimed at Ms. Madeline Jennings, a substantial box of Kashi whole grain cereal fell loose from the top shelf, landing on the man's trigger hand and knocking the firearm to the floor. A jar of jelly then toppled and plummeted from the top row, smashing into the man's forehead and rendering him unconscious. Amazing. You heard it here first - the store is a hero.

Man Anchor: Talk about a Super-Market, Diane...

Woman Anchor: I know Bill. I just wonder what flavor that jelly was. Apri-caught, or Apri-hended?

Dear God these two losers have a strong dislike for each other. They force smiles and overall goodwill between one another for the entire hour. And then, when the Camera's stop rolling YOU KNOW one of them has got to instantly fucking LOSE IT! "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE JIM (the network executive) SHE HAS GOT TO FUCKING GO...IT'S EITHER ME OR HER!!

That's when the weather man mediator steps in as the third party who diffuses some of the awkwardness. The anchors are so overly happy to see him though that they go out of their way with their welcoming, as if its a bigger relief than crapping out an absolute perm of backed up shit...

Man Anchor: And NOW FOR THE WEATHER, ITS OUR FAVORITE MAN OF THE HOUR, METEOROLOGIST TIMMY "TEN DAY OUTLOOK" THOMAS...

Woman Anchor: THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE RAIN OR SHINE RASCAL, TIM TIM TIMMMMY TIM

Like they are introducing a fucking circus act....they are just so goddamn happy that he's there to take the focus of their heinous banter....