No, You Can't....

"Don’t ever let somebody tell you…you can’t do something"...

Hmmm...It seems as though these days its pretty fucking "cool" of people to chase their dream and overcome adversity. I agree with this notion...It certainly is very, very cool when it all goes to plan. I just really dislike the cheese balls who say their sole motivation is "When someone tells me I can't do something...then you better fucking consider it done. If they say it can't be done, that's when I dare to dream and say: Oh yes it can...And it will."

Maybe I'm just a lazy-ass bastard or maybe I'm just a really good listener, but when someone tells me I can't do something...they're probably right, and I go to great lengths to heed their advice. The bigger the dream, the more absurd the success rate...And the less people are surprised when I don't act on it at all.

"I'm gonna be the first man ever to mate with a South American cave bat and have my warm blooded, beady-eyed spouse bear a child that sleeps upside down with his arms crossed like he's standing around a bunch of jet engine mechanics just trying to fit in." (If you ever catch yourself feeling stupid around a bunch of airplane mechanics just fold your arms, and every so often ask a question like you know what you're talkin' about: "So is that turbine one or turbine two?" Because ALL you really know is that there are two turbines...But that's gotta count for somethin'.)

"No way man, there's no way you can fuck a bat. It simply can't be done. It's impossible!"

"Yea, you're probably right...I guess I'll just sit on my ass and do nothing then and dream up other absurd ideas for people to shoot down instantly."

This is great because you KNOW that the next time two people are talking about you, it's gonna go a little something like this:

"Yea man, Matt was talking about knockin' up a bat the other day...Little cock-turnal action, ya hear?"

"Yea man, he's always got something up his sleeve, but he'll never fucking act on any of his crazy plans."

"You gotta hand it to him though, the kid can dream."

I'm gonna start using my big dream/no action plan on valentine's day.

"Honey, I want this year to be special. I'm gonna get the president to change the U.S. flag's stars to hearts instead. Fifty stars? Nope. Fifty big beautiful hearts for my little pookie-wookie."

"But baby, you know you can't do that. It just can't be done. But I love you for thinking it up."

Then her and her friends are sitting around talking about their V-days:

"Did he do anything special for you Jill."

"He took me to El Torito for the 5 Cheese Please buffet. But plan A was to take me to the white house to propose his business model of a new American Flag with hearts on it..."

"AWWWW. Oh my God Jill, he's so dreamy..."

EXACTLY.