Such a Thing as Too Good?

No matter what your age, there is something about arcades that just sucks you right-the-fuck in, every time you walk by. The lights are bright and the energy level is through the goddamn roof. Girls. Boys. Moms. Dads. Mistresses. Everyone enjoys a good video game funhouse. Pac-man, is a classic. Galaga is one of the best games of all time. Skeeball is my personal favorite. But there is one motherfucking game that continues to consistently blow, even after defying all odds by withstanding the test of time. The man who invented this game had to have been the most bored, unoriginal fuck ever born. He was most likely in a bad place in his life, and after having "dropped the ball" with his relationship, he found himself "bouncing off the walls" somewhere between heartbreak and suicide. He had only one silver pellet of dignity left in his body and it led him to create an alleged "good time" machine, which turned out to be a bigger snooze-cruise than sex with Christopher Reeves.

PINBALL is the name of the game. It is downright hell. There is no fun involved whatsoever. I'd rather give Ricki Lake a rim job. I'd rather stick both thumbs in a dough eyed fawn's asshole, get caught in the act by her daddy deerest, and get my hands stomped on by his sharp, unforgiving hooves as my punishment to make sure I never dipped my digits in bambi's gravy boat ever again. People stand over the pinball machine holding it like they are about to butt fuck it. They slam the sides with the utmost force, and let out battle cry bitch fits every time their ball slips through their "hands" and into the abyss below.

What really gets to me is the way the young kids gather around the above average pinball players and gawk at their useless abilities. The players even get girls who are melting right by their side, and as the douchebag's score climbs, so does the girl's vaginal temperature. Are girls really banging these arcade anal warts? I suppose talent is talent, no matter how lame it may be. I just can't imagine these groupie's bedroom banter - "Insert two tokens baby, oh yeah, oh yeah, you're still three credits shy, YES, YES, press start for player 2 to join!!"

I just get pissed when I'm over at skeeball, racking up greek God-like numbers and no one is acknowledging my being. I am demonstrating 10 times the skill that the pinball prick is, but due to the timelessness of that game, my accomplishments go unnoticed. I guess I just feel neglected. One of these days I'm gonna have to gather the nerve to go up to these busty onlookers and simply inquire "Excuse me. What exactly do you see in him?" The only answer that will satisfy my curiosity..."It has nothing to do with pinball, honey. You are just too good at Skeeball. You must play every day, and I just can't date a man who is that good at anything...it's intimidating. You're the best...I don't even know you and I can barely handle it...What would happen if we actually got together. I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you. It's scary how much I'm falling in love with you, even I as speak."

It's a gift and a curse...But one that I can live with...