Flying V...

Who likes girls dancing in cages?

Cops don't like them because it reminds of them of the midnight cornhole rapists and pistol wielding sidewalk scum that they are trying to scrape off the streets and throw behind bars.

Lion tamers don't like them because it reminds them of their four legged, feline co-star being chained up on a big old sea vessel and transported from Africa to the circus, where Barnum and Bailey could make sure he's up to their standards by sticking their heads in his mouth and then forcing him into a ferocious threeway. (B and B are so gay...that they should open up a B and B)

Wrestlers don't like them because it brings them back to that no holds barred, career ending cage match that left them penniless, loveless, and without a spleen. Cage matches are notoriously the harshest forums for professional grapplers, and afterwards the loser is...never...quite...the...same...

I'll tell you who loves these pent up queef dealers...THIS GUY...as in, ME. They have the nerve to get in a caged confinement and start shaking their goodies for the betterment and sheer entertainment of the dirtbags who are actually watching. The reason, I think, that I'm so enamored is because I did not have a bird when I was younger. All my friends had birds in elaborate cages and lined the floors with newspapers. They filled little Petey's goblet with the freshest water and saltiest crackers. I was jealous...and angry. I've heard of people not being dog or cat people...but who the fuck flute is allergic to birds? I've never seen any one have to break out an epi-pen while feeding the ducks. You want what you can't have in life, and a BIRDCAGE was my desire. Instead of owning an actual one, I ended up watching the movie, which almost turned me queer. Dodged a bullet...and a couple ballsacks...

A black girl was in a cage last night at the bar I was at, and in a playful, sexual tone yelled "Paulie want a cracker!", right in my direction. Being of fair skinned Irish soda bread complexion I naturally assumed she wanted me to hop in the cage and ruffle her feathers. Mixed signals. I was immediately thrown out. FUCK! You see mom! I had no experience with this. If I had had a bird when I was younger I would've known better and simply fed her what she wanted all along: a buttery tollhouse right out of my palm...But instead I pissed the poor cockatoo right the fuck off, got tossed to the curb, and went back to my lust nest solo, with bird* in hand.

*one's own penis