Whhhat Up Cuz?

Do you want a baby that looks like a fucking anteater? No, you don't...Why would you? So, don't hook up with your fucking cousin! Unless you want a child with eleven noses and and an ear that looks like a cupped hand that descended over a lady bug, trapping it for good luck, and is now slowly lifting itself to reveal it's catch: Nature's biggest pussy.

You may be asking yourself why I am so adamant in my attempt to get you to squash any impure thoughts about flogging cousin Fannie. Well, my friends, that is because I am now a cautionary tale...

The other night, my cousin Judy and I were hanging out playing some video games and I caught her glancing at me like she wanted to climb the family tree and shake down a couple coconuts. She is my step-cousin, and there is no blood relation, but even still, you can imagine my surprise. I was fucking high as a kite because we just smoked a Hilton- Hotels- fresh- towel- sized joint, and I had no idea how to react. Do I make a move? Do I pretend like I don't see her? Do I hang myself with my shoelaces for not immediately dismissing the sexual possibilities? I was a lost man. The way she was eyeing me was the same way that a freaky middle school chick stares at inanimate classroom objects in order to move them with her mind (knocking an apple off the teacher's desk from the the back of the room) to prove to her peers that she has powers. I wasn't even sure if Judy was staring at me. I thought she was just trying to tidy up a bit by moving the vase and the stack of papers behind me off the table. Incest is definitely not best...I don't know what it is to be exact.

Then it hit me...I CANNOT HOOKUP WITH HER...Plain and simple. The baby (God forbid) would end up looking like a fucking dustbuster with a clef lip and a face that you could play the bagpipes on, (I almost went old school and said "Great Scot" outloud when the image popped into my head). I was also afraid that if I liked it, I wouldn't be able to stop. I have an addictive personality by nature and this conversation right here is one I never want to have:

Some Dipshit (pointing to a girl he knew I banged): Dude, that's gross isn't she your first cousin?

Me: No, she's actually lucky number seven...

So the next time you catch your cuz looking at you like she wants to smear toothpaste on your skin flute and brush her "family fucking" fangs.....ahhh what the hell...Incest is Crest