Itsy Bitsy Piece of Shitsy

If we could all just take a moment to enjoy a quick read of this bogus, false, misleading, piece of crap lullaby:

The itsy-bitsy spider
Climbed up the water spout
Down came the rain
And washed the spider out
Out came the sun
And dried up all the rain
And the itsy-bitsy spider
Climbed up the spout again

WOW. I'm speechless. I have no idea how this has passed as a lullaby and helped put kids to sleep for so many years. Spiders? The scariest creatures (next to lumberjacks, and swordsmen) on the planet. There is nothing cute about a spider, even if it IS itsy bitsy. Some of the deadliest spiders in the world are fucking miniscule and leave destruction in their path the second they sink they fangs into ignorant flesh. How 'bout this for a song: "The itsy bitsy spider gave me a flesh eating bacteria. Now my friends think I'm a freak and my skin is eating itself because I picked up a small spider because a fucking bullshit lullaby lead me to believe they were harmless and made great pets. (By the way, I'm always skeptical of wahoo's who say "and the best part about them is they make great pets", when they are trying to pawn off a muskrat on you 'cuz it ate their child's left hand, and carries 54 forms of rabies.)

This song is also sending mixed signals. Everyone knows that once an insect gets doused with water, it's as good as dead. You drown the fucking critters out. Besides a tissue, and the bottom of your shoe, this is your next line of defense. You don't want a kid's first encounter with an eight legged freak to end poorly because he thought of the song: "The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again" , and concluded that water has no effect on insects, it will only make them stronger and more determined.

And WHO THE FUCK CLIMBS UP A WATER SPOUT?? Seriously? A water spout? You expect us to all believe that a spider is hanging 10, or 8, on a water spout. "This spout is so gnarly braaah. These swells are epppiiicc. Oh, here comes a a giant, it's a Spidal wave. I'm gonna Blue Crush these bitches and when the fucking sun dries up the rain I'm gonna ride this spout again."

Fuck lullaby's, if my kids aren't going to sleep I'm gonna tell them they got two choices. 1. Get some goddamn shut eye PRONTO or 2. Go outside, build a water spout, climb to the top of it, and don't bother coming back in the house 'til you do. Hit the pillow or build a water spout from scratch?...That's what I thought. Goodnight children.