Try This at Home if You Want, Who Gives a Shit.

If you've ever looked into a camera before you were about to do a remedial stunt of any kind, and said "Don't try this at home", then you are a certified tool box douche of the highest degree. You've achieved a black belt in douchebaggery, and on that note if you're actually a black belt, and not a real ninja, crime fighter, or jujitsu sense´, then you are also a d-bag. Karate should not be a hobby. It is a means of killing suckers, impressing girls, perfecting flying jump kicks, and holding a defensive pose wayyy too long after you've delivered the finishing blow to your opponent, as if they are going to leap up in one motion and re-attack...

"Don't try this at home." What a cocksucker phrase. The only solace I find in that saying is that they cannot be serious. Even though they are probably joking it still sounds pretty fucking gay. Especially when they are doing something not even remotely amusing to anyone but the stoned-out-of-their-tits crowd they are hanging with. Like, if the dude is attempting to drop 22 chips into a bowl of french onion dip at once, then shove them in his mouth without spilling a single crumb. "Don't try this at home, folks." (Laughter.)

Oh really?? Where the fuck do you want me to try it. Do you want me to eat my chips on a ferris wheel? Should I be scarfing Tostitos on my fucking hanglider? Should I be calling my buddy Jimmy: "Hey Jimbo, get the chips and salsa and meet me at George's Gorge between the highway sign and Paula's Pancake Parlor." --"But can't I just grab the snack and meet you at your house?"--"Absolutely NOT, James!"

It's no better if you say the phrase, and are actually doing something that we REALLY shouldn't try at home. Like skydiving, or uni-cycling down a set of stairs. If your about to jump out of a plane, don't think for one second that I'm planning on throwing on a tablecloth-parachute, climbing to my roof and plummeting downward. It's a no-brainer. You don't have to remind me not to try death defying stunts at my house. I don't plan on emptying out a potato sack of venomous snakes and making a grand speech before I attempt to wrangle them: "Well there 60 of you and only one of me. You have speed, poison, numbers, your asses rattle and your jaws unhinge. Pretty impressive stuff. But there's one thing you don't have...The human brain". Then I dive into the pack and have at it.

I guess what I really want is for the assholes who use this lame phrase to specify a little bit. Maybe they could at least say "Don't try this at YOUR home, kids." Parents might appreciate it a little more. Mom's gonna kill you if you attempt to back flip off the lit grill into a pool of gasoline...But if you take those shenanigans over to the neighbor's house, it's no longer her problem. Now, it's Timmy's mother's fault. She should have been keeping a closer eye on you. I smell lawsuit.

Call the cops, plead your case, have her arrested, press charges...Just whatever you do "Don't try her at home"...take her to a courtroom.